Between Us and Oblivion
by SunHops
Summary: Set after Emily discovers Naomi's infidelity. Emily is falling off the rails. Sometimes you need to fall apart before you can put yourself back together.


Dear readers! First and foremost thank you for giving this story a read!

This story begins at the end of the Emily episode when Emily is standing in front of Naomi's house deciding if she should go in or not. I decided to change the course of events past this point. Everything from season 3 is exactly the same.

This story is raw compared to what I usually write. Still I wanted to give it a go!

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><p><em>"The picture is still there and what's more, if you go there-you who never was there-if you go there and stand in the place where it was, it will happen again; it will be there for you, waiting for you. So, Denver, you can't never go there. Never. Because even though it's all over-over and done with-it's going to always be there waiting for you."<em>

**Toni Morrison**_, Beloved_

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><p>Emily stood frozen at the driveway. Her thoughts were paralyzing. The raw hurt that coursed through her body at this moment stopped all rational thought.<p>

'She cheated.' Even as the words ran through her head she felt eyes peer down at her. Emily looked up. Naomi was watching her, waiting. A sign on the door read '_I'll do anything._' But what was there left to do?

She couldn't go home. Not after what happened. She couldn't listen to Jenna smugly say that Naomi meant nothing. Naomi had meant everything. She had been her oxygen. Katie would be just as horrible.

Emily realized that she was still standing at the door. This place had been such a comfort to her only twenty-four hours earlier yet now somehow felt like a death sentence. Her hand shook as she placed it on the door handle. Not turning it. Just resting her hand on it.

Could she? Could she walk into that house after what Naomi had done? Could she kiss her lips and share her bed… The pain returned forcefully. She wanted to vomit. She couldn't breathe. She made eye contact with Naomi through the window. Beautiful Naomi. Even with her eyes full of tears. She dropped her hand back to her side. She paused for one moment more before turning around and running away.

Tears streaked down her cheeks as she ran. Her breathing came out ragged and her lungs begged her to stop but she ran on. The unknown streets and unknown houses were somehow a comfort. She was invisible to these people. No one here cared about who she was. A small park entered her view. She slowed her running to a walk and entered. The park was old, and not well maintained. Everything was covered in rust, yet she felt at peace for a moment. Not a child was in sight.

Emily drifted towards the swing set. Sitting down on the nearest swing she pulled her purse from her shoulder and searched. "Please." Emily whispered as she searched her purse desperately. If she had lost it or left it at Naomi's she didn't think she could stop crying. There on the bottom her fingers found it. A small case that Cook had given her. "Get fucked up." She imitated his voice as she pulled it out. Three small orange pills sat on the bottom. She guessed she was supposed to pace herself with them but "Fuck it." She swallowed them all and chased it with vodka from her purse.

"I'm fucked up, Cook." She whispered to herself. She knew where ever he was he would approve. She laughed at this. The pills hadn't taken effect yet but her body was racked with emotion. She laughed until her sides hurt. She grabbed the bottle of vodka and took another swig. Swinging her legs she propelled herself forward.

She remembered when she was a child and was competing with Katie on who could swing the highest. She was swinging so high and would have definitely beaten her. Except Katie used one last swing to kick Emily out of her seat. She had fallen onto the gravel and scrapped the skin off of her knees. She had cried on the ground but Katie had just smiled victoriously because she had won. That was the most important thing. Katie had always been like that, unable to lose to Emily. She was suffocating.

Emily wondered briefly why her mind was stuck on that memory. Then memories of the past day flashed through her mind and she racked over in pain again. She swung harder. Her head began to spin. She laughed and the sounds carried around as if she was miles away.

She felt as if she could fly. Maybe she could. Pushing herself harder she swung with all her might forcing herself higher and higher. On her highest upswing she let go of the swing. She let her body fly through the air.

Time stopped for a moment. She felt weightless but not scared. She felt herself separate from her body. She could see herself as others saw her. She was above the clouds watching. She was everywhere at once. She could see Naomi sobbing in her room. She could see Katie digging through her clothes getting ready for college. She could see Jenna in the kitchen her head hunched into her hands looking older than she had ever seen her. The images zoomed past her faster and faster she was so high.

The crash that followed brought her back to earth. She felt her arms give out underneath her. Her body rolled and rolled a few feet. She hit her head on a sharp rock and heard it slice through her skin. Yet she didn't feel a thing. Breathing in and out slowly she rolled onto her back and looked into the sky. The world was spinning around her but she was frozen. It just went on without her. She began to laugh again. It was all so fucking stupid. Katie, Jenna…Naomi.

A shadow drifted over her face blocking out the sun. Piercing blue eyes were staring down at her. She sucked in her breath.

"Effy." She said after a moment.

"Emily." The waif girl replied. Effy looked down at Emily relatively unconcerned. Yet that was Effy wasn't it? Unconcerned about everything in general. Effy brought a fag to her lips and breathed in deeply, exhaling the smoke slowly.

"Saw you fall." She commented, flicked her cig carefully so as not to hit Emily.

"No…" Emily said after a moment. Her voice sounded far away. "You saw me land." Effy shifted and sat beside her she stared intensely into her. It was strange how Effy could see into people so easily. It was uncomfortable. Effy always made her uncomfortable. It was her eyes she supposed.

"When did you fall then?" Effy finally asked.

"I was falling for awhile." Emily whispered dazedly, "Just didn't know it at the time."

"Hmmm." Effy hummed.

"Pass me the Vodka, would you?" Emily indicated to her stray bottle that lay just out of her reach. Effy's slender arm reached out and grabbed the bottle. Twisting the cap she took a quick drink before bringing the bottle to Emily's lips. She drank hungrily craving its effects but Effy withdrew the bottle before she could finish it.

"You're bleeding." Effy commented, indicated her forehead. Emily brushed her forehead with her hand and felt thick liquid coat her fingers. She raised her hands above her head and examined the deep red blood.

"Yeah." Emily whispered. Effy reached into her purse and pulled out some tissues. She went to brush them against Emily's face but Emily grabbed her arm.

"No." Emily said weakly, "Let me bleed." Her voice cracked, "Just for a minute." Effy looked down at her not with concern but she could see understanding behind her faraway eyes. Just a little bit.

"Okay." She relied calmly, "Just for a minute." Something about how Effy spoke brought Emily back to crushing reality. Tears obscured her vision. Rolling onto her side she curled up as sobs racked her body. She didn't know how long she cried for but when she stopped Effy was still there taking occasional drinks of her vodka.

Exhaling strongly Emily finally sat up from her position on the ground. She got a look at herself. _'What a mess.' _ Her flight from reality cost her quite a few scrapes and cuts. Her jeans were ripped and covered in sand. Her left arm ached. She guessed that was from her landing. The skin on her knees was torn up. Her mind flashed back to childhood. Only it wasn't Katie who pushed her. It was Naomi. She glanced at Effy.

"Sorry." Emily cleared her throat. Her voice was always a little hoarse but now it was barely intelligible. She always got this way when she cried.

"It happens." Effy said simply, "Get you home?" She asked while standing. Emily let out a tired sight.

"No." She said too quickly. Effy raised her eyebrow. "I just… can't right now."

"Shall I call Naomi then?" Effy held up her phone.

"No!" She cried out, Naomi was the last person she wanted to see.

"Suspected as much." Effy said examining Emily critically. "So who fucked up then?"

"Just piss off Effy." Emily said tiredly laying back onto the ground. Her high was coming down quickly. Effy looked amused for a moment.

"You then?" Effy inquired, "Come to the local park to punish yourself?" Anger flashed across Emily's eyes.

"Fuck you Effy!" She screamed as she pushed herself onto her feet cringing when she put pressure onto her arm. "Fuck her!" She grabbed the bottle out of Effy's hands and drank deeply. "Fuck everyone!" Bottle finished she threw it forcefully to the ground watching it smash into pieces.

"She really fucked you up." Effy commented after a moment.

"She fucked everything up!" Emily screamed at no one particular.

"People do that sometimes." Effy replied calmly.

"Does that make it okay?"

"No, I suppose it doesn't." Effy held her gaze steadily.

"I just want to disappear." Emily whispered, "I don't want to go back to… anywhere."

"You could, for awhile." Effy said carefully, "But you'd have to come back eventually, everything would still be shit." Emily supposed Effy was the expert.

"Yeah." Emily sighed; she felt cool liquid drip down her face.

"You need to go to the hospital." Effy indicated to Emily's face. "You need stiches."

"No." Emily said firmly, "They'll call my parents."

"Would that be the worst thing?" Effy inquired.

"It would be." Emily felt so tired, "To me." Effy nodded her head.

"Well, let's get you cleaned up." Effy gestured for Emily to follow her. Emily hesitated for a moment but followed her anyway because _'Where else is there to go?'_

They walked for a moment through the park Emily limping behind Effy trying to clear her head. Effy glanced back at her after a moment.

"So how did it feel?" Effy inquired while offering her a fag. Emily accepted it but threw Effy a confused look.

"What?"

"Flying." Effy said simply as if it was the obvious thing in the world. A small smile crossed Emily's face.

"Wonderful." She retrieved a small lighter from her pocket and lit up, "It was the landing that was scary."

"Usually is." Effy said thoughtfully. They hadn't walked far before Effy gestured to a house.

"This your house?" Emily had never been to Effy's neighborhood before. It was only a five-minute walk from the park they were just in.

"Yeah." She nodded, "Saw you run past here from my window."

"You were there the whole time?" Emily asked surprised and not just a little embarrassed.

"Not the whole time." Effy said simply. "Come along then." Emily followed her into the house and up the stairs. "Bathrooms in here." She pointed to a room at the far end of the hall. "Get washed up, I'll find you a change of clothes." Emily nodded to her thankfully entering the washroom.

Emily undressed quickly, taking care not to move her arm too much. She stood naked in front of the mirror and flinched. She looked horrible. A large purple bruise was forming down the side of her rib cage. Her left arm was swollen around the wrist. 'Sprain.' She thought hopefully. Going to the hospital was the last thing she wanted.

Finally she took in her face. Along her hairline was a fairly large gash. It wasn't bleeding freely anymore. Thankfully her hair would hide any scar. "No stiches then." Emily said firmly.

She turned the tap on and listened to the water a moment before stepping into the shower. She hissed in pain as the water poured over her injuries. She savored the pain for a minute. There was something very comforting in knowing she could feel. She watched as the blood dripped down into the drain. Closing her eyes she imagined Naomi's face. Salty tears fell down her cheeks. How can someone who makes you so happy, hurt you so badly?

"Emily?" Effy's voice jarred from her thoughts.

"Yes?" Her voice was getting better she noticed. She turned the shower off.

"Alright?"

"Yeah, pass me a towel would you?" Effy's hand appeared from behind the curtain towel in its grip. Emily quickly wrapped it around herself and stepped out of the shower.

"You look better." Effy said after surveying her slowly.

"Thanks." Emily said seriously.

"Here, some of my more Emily appropriate clothes." She said with a small smile indicating to a pile of clothes on the sink counter.

"I didn't know you even owned jeans." Emily said in awe. Every article of clothes in the pile was something she had never seen Effy wear. Effy snorted.

"Put on something to sleep in." At Emily's confused look, "You have been in here for hours, its past midnight." Emily sucked in a breath. She looked out the window and saw that the sun had long since disappeared. Where had the day gone?

Effy entered the bathroom again a few moments after Emily had changed. She held a first aide box under her arm.

"Effy, you don't have to…"

"Nonsense!" Effy interrupted, "On the toilet with you." She gestured for Emily to sit down. Emily blinked in surprise but otherwise obeyed orders.

"Why are you doing this?" Emily asked as Effy knelt down in front of her arranging items in the box.

"Hmmmm." Effy considered, as she produced rubbing alcohol from the box. "My brother had an accident, you know?"

"Yeah I heard from Katie." Emily replied still confused. She hissed in pain as Effy applied the disinfectant onto her knees. Effy knelt forward and blew lightly on the stinging wound. Emily blushed hard but pushed on with the questions. "What does that have to—"

"He was pretty bad off I guess." Effy continued, "For awhile he was in the hospital, just sleeping or whatever." Emily didn't interrupt her with questions this time. She just watched Effy intensely. She had never heard Effy speak so much before. "Anyway when we brought him home he was still in a bad way." Effy pulled out a length of gauze and wrapped it gently around Emily's knee. "Mom was otherwise distracted at the time."

Effy ran her hands up Emily's legs checking for small scratches. Her hands lingered on her thighs. Emily sucked in a breath as Effy gazed into her eyes. She then started to run her hands up Emily's sides. "Anyway that left his care up to me."

"I'm sorry." Emily exhaled. She flinched visibly as Effy made contact with the bruise that ran along her ribs.

"Shirt. Off." Effy ordered smugly, Emily made as if to protest but Effy gave her a strong look. With a sigh Emily pulled her shirt over her head.

"Don't be sorry." Effy said after a moment, "I sometimes think that was the happiest time of my life." Emily stared at Effy with wide eyes. She returned the gaze. Emily noticed for the first time that Effy wasn't wearing any makeup. She looked almost childlike. Fragile. Not the usual unflappable Effy she was use to.

"I don't understand."

"He needed me." Effy said with a small smile, "That is the only time in my life when someone needed me." Effy produced a cream from the first aide box and rubbed it gently into Emily's side. "No one needs me anymore." A hint of sadness flashed across Effy's face.

"That's not true Effy." Emily said seriously, "Freddie—"

"Freddie doesn't want me anymore." Effy bit in bitterly.

"What?"

"Said he's tired of my games." Effy said airily, "Doesn't trust me."

"Effy, he loves you." Emily saw the way Freddie looked at Effy. It didn't take a genius to see.

"And you love Naomi." Emily's stomach jolted painfully at the sound of her name. "Can you forgive her?"

"I don't know." Emily's voice wavered. Her answer was honest. "Effy you're fucked up too, aren't you?" Effy smiled at her and laughed.

"Yes, I suppose I am." Effy reached out and caressed the side of Emily's face. "Ah the belle of the ball." Effy indicated to the gash along her forehead. She ran her fingers along the sides. "It's not as bad as I thought it was." Effy commented. She brought the disinfectant back out and dabbed it gently along the wound. Emily felt the pain but it didn't register. Her eyes were completely drawn into Effy's every movement. Effy's face was so close to hers.

"That's good." Emily whispered huskily. Her heart beat hard in her chest. Effy smiled mysteriously at her for a moment before gently bringing her hands to cup Emily's face and drawing her closer. Emily couldn't stop the small gasp of air she released when she felt Effy's lips press against her forehead.

Effy withdrew slightly and gazed at Emily a question in her eyes. Emily answered the only way she knew how. She leaned in and pressed her lips against Effy's. There was no hesitation from Effy she smiled into her lips and pulled Emily onto the floor with her. Emily whimpered as Effy deepened the kiss. A wave of emotion struck Emily. Kissing Effy wasn't like kissing Naomi. The layers of hurt that she had felt all day bubbled to the surface.

Emily pushed her onto her back and straddled her waist, kissing her hard. Their teeth clashed together. She put all of her hurt into the kiss. Effy bit Emily's lip and tugged lightly. She felt Effy's hands on the back of her head pushing her in deeper. Emily's lips went to her neck she could hear her groan and purr her name. Her hands crawled under Effy's shirt running her fingers across her abdomen.

Effy grabbed Emily's shoulders forcefully and rolled her onto her back. Straddling her legs she pulled her own shirt slowly over her head. Emily sat up and kissed between Effy's ribs. She nipped at the skin enjoying the hiss of pleasure it drew from Effy. Effy unhooked Emily's bra and threw it to the side. Pushing Emily onto her back she pressed their lips together. She kissed down her neck and chest. Emily gripped Effy's brown hair in her hands and groaned as she felt her mouth make contact with her breasts. Her breathing became more ragged.

This was all too much. Effy's lips kissed down her stomach caressing everywhere she could reach. Naomi's face flashed through Emily's mind. Tears built up in her eyes. She felt guilty. It wasn't Naomi's hand sliding up her thigh. It wasn't Naomi groaning her name. Effy looked into her eyes and Emily was surprised to see tears there too. Effy was crying. Emily pulled Effy back and kissed her hard. This kiss was different from the others. It was raw and painfully full of longing for those out of their reach.

Effy wasn't Naomi, and she wasn't Freddie. It was fucked up but then again so were they. Effy was using her to feel needed, Emily couldn't be angry about it. She was using Effy too.

Emily snaked her fingers between Effy's thighs. She watched Effy's face as she pushed inside of her. Her mouth opened slightly and let out a gasp. Her eyes dilated. Small tears fell heavily down her cheeks. Emily leaned forward and kissed them away savoring the saltiness. Effy attacked her neck as Emily continued her ministrations. When Effy came she shuddered against her biting down hard.

They lay on the floor for an unknown period of time. It was Effy who got up first. She didn't say a word. Just stood up in front of Emily offering her hand. Emily stared at it a moment before accepting it. Effy pulled her up and led her to her bedroom. Emily wondered if she should say something about what happened but Effy held up her hand before she could.

"Sleep now, college in the morning." Effy ordered gesturing for her to get into bed. Emily obeyed orders unsure of what else to do. She crawled into bed beside Effy.

Emily closed her eyes but all thoughts of sleep were gone. All she could see was Naomi's face. Her face had been so desperate and sad that last moment they were together. For a brief moment all the anger dissipated from Emily. She felt a desperate need to hold Naomi. Then she remembered. '_She fucked that girl.'_ Emily turned her head towards Effy. '…_And I fucked Effy._' Guilt racked Emily's body. She hated herself just then. She hated that she felt guilty. She hated that she wasn't enough for Naomi. She hated herself for not being enough for her mother. She hated herself so much that her body felt numb.

She had to get out now. She made sure Effy was asleep before she slipped quietly out of bed. She drifted back to the bathroom retrieving the long forgotten clothes that Effy had left for her next to the sink. Pulling them on quietly she had to roll up the legs of the jeans to make them fit properly. Her eyes fixed to the floor where her and Effy had been. Shaking her head she retrieved her dirty clothes and purse from the counter.

At the bottom of the stairs she caught sight of Effy's mother. She was slumped over on the living room couch. A half finished bottle of wine dangled from her hand. Emily considered the woman for a moment before she slowly approached. She pulled the wine bottle out of her hand slowly. She doubted the woman would even notice. Besides she needed it more. Feeling the tiniest bit guilty she laid the woman into a more comfortable position and put a throw from a nearby chair over her. Satisfied she quietly left the Stonem household.

The first thing that surprised her as she left was the sky. The sun wasn't up yet but dusk was fast approaching. Time seemed a funny thing just then. It went on whether you slept or not. Does a day really begin at morning? When had this day begun?

She reached into her purse for her cellphone but came out empty handed. She glanced back at the Stonem residence. It must have fallen out of her purse. She considered going back to retrieve it for a moment.

"Fuck it." She muttered. The phone would be full of messages she didn't want to read anyway. She wasn't sure she could face Effy after what had just happened either. So instead she walked down road. She didn't know where she was going. College was out of the question. As was pretty much anywhere else.

Emily wasn't sure how long she walked for but when she finally stopped the sun was rising. Spotting a nearby bench she sat down. It was a lovely area. In other circumstances this place would have made her extremely happy. The view was spectacular. It seemed to oversee all of Bristol. Yet now it left with a hollow feeling in her chest. Was everything beautiful destined to rot?

Pulling out the bottle of wine she drank heavily. It was the cheap shit you buy for five quid she noted. Still off-grapes were off-grapes. No reason to be finicky. Her mother always had a bottle of wine at every dinner. Added a touch of class she said. Thinking about her mother brought a frown to her face. "No more thinking then."

She wished should just stay on this bench forever. Things seemed much more simple here. She could watch the sunrise and enjoy the beauty of Bristol.

The idea of sleeping terrified Emily. Whenever she closed her eyes, Naomi's face appeared. "No more sleeping then." She told herself firmly. She needed to forget about Naomi. Just for a little while at least.

Emily stepped onto the bench and gazed into the sky. She raised the bottle up "God save the queen." She said quietly then laughed. She raised the bottle higher in the air "To oblivion!" She shouted to Bristol. A smile graced her lips as she drank back the remnants of the bottle. She could do with a bit of oblivion. She knew just the person to see about it.

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><p>This story was not carefully calculated. I let it write itself. I felt that a show like Skins should be written crudely so that's exactly how I wrote it. So while I have fixed some basic mistakes I've let a lot slip through.<p>

Let me know what you think! Read and Review please!

I hope you aren't too angry about Effy and Emily. These are messy characters and they do messy things! Naomi is far from gone.

Cheers,

Sunhops


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